Barber Shops

Today, I went to the barber shop to get a haircut. The price is one of the cheapest in the area. This means it is a crowded area at most times. Today was my weirdest experience at this shop, and I've been going since I had hair. It started out like a normal trip to the barber shop. However, it escalated very quickly.

During this story, I am in a chair waiting to get my haircut. A little boy was in the chair closest to me getting his hair cut. As the barber turns away to get the scissors, the expression on his face his neutral. As the barber turns to face him, he makes a face like he is horrified. I watched this for a few minutes. I studied his expressions and why he made them. Over much time and research(about 3 minutes), I discovered that he was only doing this to be a pain in the neck to his mom. He just wanted to annoy her for getting his hair cut. Really? This is what the child looked like when his mission was a success and his mom became angry.

What happened next was probably weirdest. I saw an old, bald man enter the shop. Let's all take a moment and think about that sentence. Yes. The barber wasn't sure what to do. He accepted the man into sitting in the chair. I think it was just for the money, but he pretended to give the old man a haircut. Literally, he combed the old man's shiny scalp and went over it with a razor a few times. What has the world come to? Next, I went to my barber to get my haircut. Now, I speak some broken Spanish. I know a few words here and there. I can piece together a few sentences. Ok, now back to the story. My barber loves my brother. Every time I go to him, he asks about my brother. My brother is a saint. He is literally an angel to everybody who meets him. So, as everybody knows, barbers always speak a foreign language, making us skeptical of who they are talking about. Today, my barber said, "Me gusta su hermano mayor más.". This means, "I like his older brother more." Thanks, Mr. Barber.

Things I Hate

You know those things that you just despise, and they consistently happen to you? I can name a million. I've decided to make a list. 1. I hate those websites that automatically play a video as soon as you enter it. The other day, I wanted to discover the rates of rental equipment on a paintball website. as soon as I enter, I am greeted with a video of a sweaty man talking about his family paintball business. Really? Really? NOBODY CARES. 2. I hate when I am carrying a load of stuff, whatever it is, and I drop ONE thing. I lean over to pick it up. Another thing or two falls. This process continues for about 30 seconds. Eventually, I grow impatient and throw the objects on the ground. It looks something like this.

3. I hate laptop chargers than constantly fall out. As I write this, I struggle to not smash this laptop on the ground, similarly to the picture above. I wish I was joking. 4. I hate when I get a present and the plastic around it is ridiculously difficult to cut open. This frustrates me to the absolute maximum. If you don't want somebody to steal it, put it in those cage things. This way, when somebody decides to buy the product, they can actually use the product they have purchased. Otherwise, the customer attempts to shoot Ipads with real bullets just to open them. This is the final product.

Vegetarians 101

"No, I can't have meat. I'm a vegetarian." she says. This is a way of life I will never understand. Animals were put here to be killed, placed in an oven, and maliciously shoved into our mouths to satisfy hunger. Meanwhile, we have vegetarians and vegans who believe this wrong. "Why are you a vegetarian?" I ask her. "I believe that killing animals is wrong. They wouldn't kill us if they could think! I am not strong enough to know that I am eating an animal when I have a burger." "You know, you would be strong if you had protein. You know where protein comes from, right? What is a large, natural source of protein?" "Shut up..." she says with a chuckle. The waitress appears through the crowded restaurant. "Alright, what can I get you guys. Our special tonight is the veggie burger. It is only 3 dollars." "Why is your special a veggie burger? Why not like a soup or something? Everybody wants meat, right?" Everybody in the restaurant goes silent immediately. On the other side of the restaurant I hear a glass fall. Every eye in the place is fixated on me. "It's national Vegetarian Day..." the waitress says quietly. "The special is the only item we've sold today. "I'll have the special." she says. "Not going to happen. I will have the All-American Steak with extra bacon. I mean literally. Throw on all the bacon you have, I don't mind the price. Also, We will have the mini burgers with bacon on the side as our appetizer. Thanks very much." I say. I sure showed those vegetarian turd faces. I ate all the meat. I left a tip of some table salt and a nickel. #fightthevegetarians #leadtheway #meatrules #eataburgertoday #revolution #teammike