Bug Killing Techniques

      Ever since I was a little boy, I enjoyed discovering new techniques for killing bugs.  From chemicals to Nerf guns, I use all I can grab within an arm's reach to slaughter these terrible creatures.  This post will describe the numerous techniques I've tested in my years with hopes that you may utilize my tips.  Good luck.

 Tip 1: Swiffer Sweeper Slappy Pappy
WHAT YOU NEED:
Swiffer Sweeper
Victim on a solid surface(carpet will work, but carcass will be tough to pick up later)
Napkin/paper towel to pick up dead bug
Angry face(this bug deserves it. You know it.  I know it.  No mercy.)
Strong stomach(dead bug will be bloody and crushed.  The bug accepted the outcome.  Can you?)
Finally, strong fingers to crush the bug's body when in the napkin.  This is the double tap technique.
WHAT YOU MUST DO:
Sneak up on the insect.  If the bug is a hopper, sneaking is super essential.  Slowly lift the cleaning tool and bring it down quickly on the bug.  If you hit the bug, hold position with the Swiffer covering the victim.  To ensure that the bug isn't alive, twist the Swiffer until you know it is dead.  Good luck.

 Tip 2:  Airsoft gun/bee-bee gun/ slingshot technique
WHAT YOU NEED:
Self explanatory
WHAT YOU MUST DO:
Sneak is essential.  Get ready to get dirty.  The bug will explode on impact.  Though this is fun because it makes the assassin feel powerful, cleanup almost ruins the fun part.  Is it worth it?  Good luck.

Tip 3:  Fun with chemicals
WHAT YOU NEED:
Hair spray of any kind
Cleaning spray
Really anything in a spray bottle
WHAT YOU MUST DO:
Spray bug.  This slows it down.  Grab bug.  Use double tap technique.  Done.
This technique is my personal favorite because it especially works on fliers: bees, flies, etc.  Crickets usually jump and freak out the sprayer.  With the spray technique, the cricket starts to get sticky and can't jump.  ADVICE: after spraying bug, use a toned down version of Swiffer Sweeper Slappy Pappy technique to ensure the bugs death.  Unexpected jumps or flights when trying to carry out the double tap technique is horrifying.  Good luck.



If you are able to utilize any of these tips, please comment and tell me.  If you have any techniques I failed to mention, COMMENT THEM!!!   Whoever writes the best technique wins.  You don't win anything except bragging rights.  Good luck, and happy bug killing/ Lollipop Day!
                                                           Stay Classy San Diego