Hello Reader,
This is Mike, coming at you hot for one last time.
MikeThoughtsForYou has officially died, in part due to the fact that I haven't posted anything in three years.
Some of my loyal fans might be asking themselves, "where did the years go?" To those individuals, I have news for you: that's lost time that we're not getting back.
"But where have you been the last 3 years?"
Well, I've officially liquidated and sold MikeThoughtsForYou to Bloodclot Films, a media production company based out of New York. I will now be a regular contributor to their website, bloodclotfilms.com.
A few final words:
1) This blog started out a tiny infant in my arms. I cradled it; I fed it; I protected it. These past three years, however, I neglected it. Bloodclot Films will carry on its legacy.
2) I apologize for the plagiarized "quote sections" in some of the earlier MikeThoughtsForYou posts back in 2012. I was young and stupid. I now use bibliographies where necessary.
If I can leave you with a little something I came up with, it's this: life moves by pretty fast; if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it.
Stay classy San Diego,
Michael J. Erickson, CEO & Co-Founder, Bloodclot Films Inc.
Tuesday, February 19, 2019
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
10 Most Likely Celebrities to Die in 2016
10
Most Likely Celebrities to Die in 2016
2016
is officially underway. While people
rejoice at the commencement of a new year, I have decided to predict which
celebrities will “pass on to a better place” over the next 365 days. This may seem insensitive. However, I do not mean to offend anyone. These are merely estimations based on age and
physical status of certain individuals.
Enjoy!
NOT
IN ANY ORDER
1) Queen Elizabeth II- This
year may not be so “brilliant” (commonly used British word) for this 89 year
old gem. Let’s hope she makes it to “holiday”
(another commonly used British word)!
2)
Miley Cyrus-
This year may not be such a “Party in the USA” for this wild one. At only 23 years old, Miley makes our list
for partying a bit too hard!
3) Betty White- Betty
White is now 93 years old. She
will be 94 this January. Though Betty is
on this list as a celebrity, I have absolutely no clue what she does. Seriously Betty, step it up.
4) Larry King- This 82 year
old “walking goblin” is basically a rotting corpse already.
5)
Clint Eastwood- At 85 years old, Clint is still
terrifying. Clint’s year may involve
more “Gran Burials” than Gran Torinos…
6) Jack Nicholson- At 78 years old, Jack may not appear to be as
close to a casket as one may think.
However, this cigar lover’s year may not be so “shiny”, as he looks like
he croaked 5 years ago.
7) Robert De Niro-
At only 72 years old, this prediction is a mere shot in the dark. Your cheek mole will not be missed, Bob! Enjoy your silver lined casket!
8) Lindsay Lohan-
Lindsay, at 29 years old, has achieved quite a bit as a young actress. As time grew on, She got caught up with some
of the wrong people, had a donnybrook here and there, and as a result, made
this list. She’s not a “mean girl”; she
simply went down the wrong path.
9) Macaulay Culkin-
At 35 years old, this former child star rocked our homes with his Christmas
joy. Itty bitty Kevin McCallister is
gone, and poor Macaulay is all that’s left.
Don’t worry, Macaulay, we will bury you with your hands on your cheeks.
10) “WHAT IS” Alex Trebek-
At 75 years old, Alex has lived a great life.
Another shot in the dark, this is a complete guess. His death would come as a shock. I hope he makes it.
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Barber Shop Round 2: Barber's Revenge
What is happening? What is happening? These are the only words my mind could conjure as I spectated my golden locks of magical wonder departing from my kiwi-scented scalp. What is happening? What is happening?
For those of you who may know, I get my haircut at the worst barber shop on Long Island. Despite the fact that the haircut is the cheapest in the tri-state area, and the fact that I look adorable after, I would NOT recommend this barber shop. The atmosphere of the place is enough to murder a man. I always make sure to have some sort of make-shift weapon available in my pocket, just in case a donnybrook breaks out.
Today, I arrived at the barber shop in the cold and miserable weather (much like the atmosphere in the shop). My barber was a Russian man who spoke mostly in short phrases . "Welcome comrade!" As I shook his hand, my nostrils were unpleasantly greeted with the strong scent of alcoholic egg-nog. Good God. This is unbelievable! Is he drunk? How do I get out of this? His hands began shaking as he slurred his words.
Now, every time I visit my barber for a cut (we'll call him ###), he always asks me the same questions.
1) How your brother?!- This has some backstory. ### used to cut my brother's hair, UNTIL my brother decided the haircut "wasn't what he expected" because he "wanted it shorter". Now, my brother goes to a different barber. This ultimately leads to ### constantly asking about my brother, as ### greatly prefers him.
2) You got girlfriend?!- This is the worst one. YEAH! GO AHEAD AND RUB IT IN, ###! WE ALL KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT SO JUST SHUT THE **** UP!
For those of you who may know, I get my haircut at the worst barber shop on Long Island. Despite the fact that the haircut is the cheapest in the tri-state area, and the fact that I look adorable after, I would NOT recommend this barber shop. The atmosphere of the place is enough to murder a man. I always make sure to have some sort of make-shift weapon available in my pocket, just in case a donnybrook breaks out.
Today, I arrived at the barber shop in the cold and miserable weather (much like the atmosphere in the shop). My barber was a Russian man who spoke mostly in short phrases . "Welcome comrade!" As I shook his hand, my nostrils were unpleasantly greeted with the strong scent of alcoholic egg-nog. Good God. This is unbelievable! Is he drunk? How do I get out of this? His hands began shaking as he slurred his words.
Now, every time I visit my barber for a cut (we'll call him ###), he always asks me the same questions.
1) How your brother?!- This has some backstory. ### used to cut my brother's hair, UNTIL my brother decided the haircut "wasn't what he expected" because he "wanted it shorter". Now, my brother goes to a different barber. This ultimately leads to ### constantly asking about my brother, as ### greatly prefers him.
2) You got girlfriend?!- This is the worst one. YEAH! GO AHEAD AND RUB IT IN, ###! WE ALL KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT SO JUST SHUT THE **** UP!
By this point, ### has defeated all sense of dignity that I have accumulated to go the barber in the first place. As made evident, I despise going to the barber shop. The drunken barbers, competition between my brother and me, and the fact that I am currently single combine to form the perfect storm for sadness. I am currently working on a product that allows the user to push out his or her hair to the desired length, or retract hair back into the scalp to avoid haircuts. Stay tuned, and have a good weekend!
didn't come out too shabby :)
Thursday, July 30, 2015
5 Mistakes I'll Never Make Again
As made evident by the title, this post evolved from my past mistakes. These mistakes have shaped me as a human being. I now have a clearer perspective on the world. If these mistakes had not been made by me, I might have ended up nothing more than a ragamuffin, constantly pulling shenanigan-like stunts. Enjoy.
1) Once upon a time, I was a naïve child attempting to come off as intelligent. Ultimately, this resulted in using words with which I had little understanding. Originally, I thought that the word "harlot" held the same meaning as "minx" or "cunning". Well, I learned the hard way that this was not the truth. One night, I was texting a girl (who shall remain nameless). Being nothing more than a ingenuous 14 year old, attempting to flirt proved to be a more difficult endeavor than anticipated. I called the girl a "harlot", thinking nothing of it. After a few minutes of no response, I began to ponder what may have occurred. As I revised my previous texts, I decided to research the word "harlot", just to make sure it meant what I intended. Sliding my fingers across the phone's keyboard, I grew more and more agitated. As a singled tear of sweat dripped down my face and the definition of "harlot" appeared, I understood the consequences of my actions.
2) About 2 years ago, I discovered that I am lactose-intolerant. Obviously, I was not going to change my dairy consuming habits just because it makes my stomach explode. One night, I was out at a mall with some friends. We ordered some milkshakes to fulfill our desire for chocolate. Almost immediately, my stomach began to rumble. We started strolling throughout the mall to explore. Stopping in front of a smoothie store, I decided to release the gas that was building up inside me. This resulted in complete and utter destruction. Two ENORMOUS middle aged women walked by and halted at the uninvited smell that entered their nostrils. They began throwing around accusations, claiming that somebody in my group "ripped HARD". Thrown off by the confidence of these women in saying something so low-class, I blamed it on my friend. At this point, nobody was sure of who committed this terrible act. This relieved me, and my stomach.
3) Many of my pants have small holes in the crotch area from performing countless power-slides on my knees. Basically, this is when you run and fall to your knees to see how far you can slide. On this specific day, my pants and boxers BOTH ripped. I think you can see where this is going. Long story short, it did not end well. I wouldn't wish this upon even my worst enemy.
4) Over my few years of life, I've experienced many things. I've accumulated much knowledge throughout my travels. One warm August day, I assisted an old woman who worked at the elementary school I attended. I was accompanied by four friends as we helped the elderly woman move books around a storage closet. As she leaned over, a noise emerged from her hind-quarters. In complete disbelief, we all looked at each other for an explanation, wondering who just demolished all of our senses of smell. Who executed this stunt? We realized that the feat was performed by none other than the old woman. How bourgeois! This taught me one of the most useful lessons of my life: never hang out with old people.
5) As a young man, farting is funny. I fart everywhere. I fart at home. I fart in the library. I fart at school. I fart at the store. I fart in the car. I fart out the car window. I fart EVERYWHERE. Think of any place you've ever been. I've probably farted there. However, there is only one situation in which I would not fart. I learned the worst way possible. One Sunday, I was visiting my grandfather in the nursing home. My stomach was an absolute ticking time-bomb that day. As I pushed my grandfather in his wheelchair out of the cafeteria, I let the intestinal gas free. My grandfather and I escaped easily, as we were leaving the room. However, the old people who were left in the room playing bridge and talking about how their kids never visit were trapped. If these elders were just a few years younger, they could have escaped with us. However, being on the brink of death, they were too slow to escape the complete mayhem I had created. It was too late for me to go back and help. All I could do was watch as these men and women cried for it to just end. They didn't want to go home. They didn't care enough to go home. Whatever miniscule amount of life they still had was soiled, along with my pants. Old people are too slow to escape farts. Lesson: never fart around old people unless they deserve it.
1) Once upon a time, I was a naïve child attempting to come off as intelligent. Ultimately, this resulted in using words with which I had little understanding. Originally, I thought that the word "harlot" held the same meaning as "minx" or "cunning". Well, I learned the hard way that this was not the truth. One night, I was texting a girl (who shall remain nameless). Being nothing more than a ingenuous 14 year old, attempting to flirt proved to be a more difficult endeavor than anticipated. I called the girl a "harlot", thinking nothing of it. After a few minutes of no response, I began to ponder what may have occurred. As I revised my previous texts, I decided to research the word "harlot", just to make sure it meant what I intended. Sliding my fingers across the phone's keyboard, I grew more and more agitated. As a singled tear of sweat dripped down my face and the definition of "harlot" appeared, I understood the consequences of my actions.
2) About 2 years ago, I discovered that I am lactose-intolerant. Obviously, I was not going to change my dairy consuming habits just because it makes my stomach explode. One night, I was out at a mall with some friends. We ordered some milkshakes to fulfill our desire for chocolate. Almost immediately, my stomach began to rumble. We started strolling throughout the mall to explore. Stopping in front of a smoothie store, I decided to release the gas that was building up inside me. This resulted in complete and utter destruction. Two ENORMOUS middle aged women walked by and halted at the uninvited smell that entered their nostrils. They began throwing around accusations, claiming that somebody in my group "ripped HARD". Thrown off by the confidence of these women in saying something so low-class, I blamed it on my friend. At this point, nobody was sure of who committed this terrible act. This relieved me, and my stomach.
3) Many of my pants have small holes in the crotch area from performing countless power-slides on my knees. Basically, this is when you run and fall to your knees to see how far you can slide. On this specific day, my pants and boxers BOTH ripped. I think you can see where this is going. Long story short, it did not end well. I wouldn't wish this upon even my worst enemy.
4) Over my few years of life, I've experienced many things. I've accumulated much knowledge throughout my travels. One warm August day, I assisted an old woman who worked at the elementary school I attended. I was accompanied by four friends as we helped the elderly woman move books around a storage closet. As she leaned over, a noise emerged from her hind-quarters. In complete disbelief, we all looked at each other for an explanation, wondering who just demolished all of our senses of smell. Who executed this stunt? We realized that the feat was performed by none other than the old woman. How bourgeois! This taught me one of the most useful lessons of my life: never hang out with old people.
5) As a young man, farting is funny. I fart everywhere. I fart at home. I fart in the library. I fart at school. I fart at the store. I fart in the car. I fart out the car window. I fart EVERYWHERE. Think of any place you've ever been. I've probably farted there. However, there is only one situation in which I would not fart. I learned the worst way possible. One Sunday, I was visiting my grandfather in the nursing home. My stomach was an absolute ticking time-bomb that day. As I pushed my grandfather in his wheelchair out of the cafeteria, I let the intestinal gas free. My grandfather and I escaped easily, as we were leaving the room. However, the old people who were left in the room playing bridge and talking about how their kids never visit were trapped. If these elders were just a few years younger, they could have escaped with us. However, being on the brink of death, they were too slow to escape the complete mayhem I had created. It was too late for me to go back and help. All I could do was watch as these men and women cried for it to just end. They didn't want to go home. They didn't care enough to go home. Whatever miniscule amount of life they still had was soiled, along with my pants. Old people are too slow to escape farts. Lesson: never fart around old people unless they deserve it.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Trip to the Barber Shop
After a long day of sleep and drool,
I finally return home from school.
I look in the mirror, to see if I look cool,
My family tells me I need a haircut.
Why must they be so cruel?
They proceed to tell me I look like a mutt.
This is a real blow to the gut.
I walk away, through the door I have now shut.
I guess they are right.
My hair looks a little like King Tut.
To the barber shop, I take flight.
My hair gave the barber quite a fright.
I tell him "please just cut it right?"
At this, he shows pity on me.
All he says to this is "alright"
Now that my hair is cut, I feel free.
I look in the mirror and shout "WHOOPEEE!"
This was more successful than the Battle of the Philippine Sea.
I look at the barber, and shake his hand.
I'm so happy! (to a tolerable degree)
This haircut is so grand!
I return back home, ready to take a firm stand.
My family looks at me and says "It's so bland"
I stare at the ground, ready to punch an ostrich in the face.
All I can think to say is, "this did not go as planned..."
I finally return home from school.
I look in the mirror, to see if I look cool,
My family tells me I need a haircut.
Why must they be so cruel?
They proceed to tell me I look like a mutt.
This is a real blow to the gut.
I walk away, through the door I have now shut.
I guess they are right.
My hair looks a little like King Tut.
To the barber shop, I take flight.
My hair gave the barber quite a fright.
I tell him "please just cut it right?"
At this, he shows pity on me.
All he says to this is "alright"
Now that my hair is cut, I feel free.
I look in the mirror and shout "WHOOPEEE!"
This was more successful than the Battle of the Philippine Sea.
I look at the barber, and shake his hand.
I'm so happy! (to a tolerable degree)
This haircut is so grand!
I return back home, ready to take a firm stand.
My family looks at me and says "It's so bland"
I stare at the ground, ready to punch an ostrich in the face.
All I can think to say is, "this did not go as planned..."
Thursday, September 4, 2014
PUBLISHED
Hey guys, I was just published on Thought Catalog today! I was also published on Thursday! Check it out! It's up live! http://thoughtcatalog.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
The Grapes of Smash
Yesterday, I was at the beach reading the Grapes of Wrath. A bee kept flying around my family and me. I decided after about five minutes that I had to do something about the problem. As the bee flew next my sister and landed on her back, I yell for her to run. The bee falls off her back and heads towards me. PLAY DRAMATIC MUSIC HERE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYj8ciqAPcA
Not knowing what to do, I firmly grasp the Grapes of Wrath. I fall into a new character. Just as Joad in the Grapes of Wrath, I murder my enemy; in this case, the enemy is a yellowjacket. As I bring the 453 pages of pure beauty to the tiny creature, this bug goes flying(AGAINTS ITS WILL) through the air. I killed the little beast. TURN OFF DRAMATIC MUSIC HERE
I won. Not only did I defeat this bug, but I also used a new bug killing technique. You're welcome. Below is a gif describing the Swiffer Sweeper Slappy Pappy.
Not knowing what to do, I firmly grasp the Grapes of Wrath. I fall into a new character. Just as Joad in the Grapes of Wrath, I murder my enemy; in this case, the enemy is a yellowjacket. As I bring the 453 pages of pure beauty to the tiny creature, this bug goes flying(AGAINTS ITS WILL) through the air. I killed the little beast. TURN OFF DRAMATIC MUSIC HERE
I won. Not only did I defeat this bug, but I also used a new bug killing technique. You're welcome. Below is a gif describing the Swiffer Sweeper Slappy Pappy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)