Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Saturday, November 23, 2013
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Story Number 8: Cufflinks
"Dude, I'm telling you those are cufflinks, alright?" I say, getting annoyed. I am talking with a fellow student. We are both wearing suits. I am talking to him about the cufflinks on our jackets. He doesn't believe me when I tell him that their proper title is 'cufflinks'.
"They're called buttons! I'm right" he strikes back. I swear, I want to slap some sense in this kid. To this day, if I saw that guy anywhere, I'd steal his soda and drink it. I would then proceed to steal his phone and take selfies on Snapchat and send them to everybody in his contacts.
"I swear man, I want to slap some sense into you. I guarantee you that in 20 years, if I saw you anywhere, I would steal your soda and drink it. I would then proceed to steal your phone and take selfies on Snapchat and send it to all your contacts!" I begin to raise my voice.
He gasps so loudly. Everybody goes silent. "You wouldn't!" he retorts. "I will hunt you down and slappy pappy you so hard in your face that you won't be able to smile for a week!" I yell back. "What?" he asks, not being able to understand my slang. "I will knock you right in the kisser and leave you hangin' with a lollipop in your mouth!" I yell, increasing the slang factor. "Wh- What?" he asks again. "Say what again! I dare you- I DOUBLE dare you!" I yell back.
This is escalating very quickly. Class hasn't even begun yet. Suddenly, the bell rings. The teacher, Mr. Teacher bursts in. "Afternoon, class. Today we will learn about shapes!" he says, pulling a green wooden triangle out of his bag and smiling. "Mike thinks these are cufflinks! " the kid yells out in the quiet room, pointing to the alleged cufflinks.
The expression on Mr. Teacher's face slowly disappears as his eyes grow larger and larger. Suddenly, I am looking at the crazy eyes. He begins to shake his head. "Come after school later and clean my classroom. I want every piece of paper off the ground."
My thoughts
1. Get a vacuum.
2. They are cufflinks. I know it. You know it. You just wanted a clean room. Once again, vacuum.
3. That's it.
"They're called buttons! I'm right" he strikes back. I swear, I want to slap some sense in this kid. To this day, if I saw that guy anywhere, I'd steal his soda and drink it. I would then proceed to steal his phone and take selfies on Snapchat and send them to everybody in his contacts.
"I swear man, I want to slap some sense into you. I guarantee you that in 20 years, if I saw you anywhere, I would steal your soda and drink it. I would then proceed to steal your phone and take selfies on Snapchat and send it to all your contacts!" I begin to raise my voice.
He gasps so loudly. Everybody goes silent. "You wouldn't!" he retorts. "I will hunt you down and slappy pappy you so hard in your face that you won't be able to smile for a week!" I yell back. "What?" he asks, not being able to understand my slang. "I will knock you right in the kisser and leave you hangin' with a lollipop in your mouth!" I yell, increasing the slang factor. "Wh- What?" he asks again. "Say what again! I dare you- I DOUBLE dare you!" I yell back.
This is escalating very quickly. Class hasn't even begun yet. Suddenly, the bell rings. The teacher, Mr. Teacher bursts in. "Afternoon, class. Today we will learn about shapes!" he says, pulling a green wooden triangle out of his bag and smiling. "Mike thinks these are cufflinks! " the kid yells out in the quiet room, pointing to the alleged cufflinks.
The expression on Mr. Teacher's face slowly disappears as his eyes grow larger and larger. Suddenly, I am looking at the crazy eyes. He begins to shake his head. "Come after school later and clean my classroom. I want every piece of paper off the ground."
My thoughts
1. Get a vacuum.
2. They are cufflinks. I know it. You know it. You just wanted a clean room. Once again, vacuum.
3. That's it.
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