Monday, December 30, 2013
Barber Shops
Today, I went to the barber shop to get a haircut. The price is one of the cheapest in the area. This means it is a crowded area at most times. Today was my weirdest experience at this shop, and I've been going since I had hair.
It started out like a normal trip to the barber shop. However, it escalated very quickly.
During this story, I am in a chair waiting to get my haircut. A little boy was in the chair closest to me getting his hair cut. As the barber turns away to get the scissors, the expression on his face his neutral. As the barber turns to face him, he makes a face like he is horrified. I watched this for a few minutes. I studied his expressions and why he made them. Over much time and research(about 3 minutes), I discovered that he was only doing this to be a pain in the neck to his mom. He just wanted to annoy her for getting his hair cut. Really? This is what the child looked like when his mission was a success and his mom became angry.
What happened next was probably weirdest. I saw an old, bald man enter the shop. Let's all take a moment and think about that sentence. Yes. The barber wasn't sure what to do. He accepted the man into sitting in the chair. I think it was just for the money, but he pretended to give the old man a haircut. Literally, he combed the old man's shiny scalp and went over it with a razor a few times. What has the world come to?
Next, I went to my barber to get my haircut. Now, I speak some broken Spanish. I know a few words here and there. I can piece together a few sentences. Ok, now back to the story. My barber loves my brother. Every time I go to him, he asks about my brother. My brother is a saint. He is literally an angel to everybody who meets him. So, as everybody knows, barbers always speak a foreign language, making us skeptical of who they are talking about. Today, my barber said, "Me gusta su hermano mayor más.". This means, "I like his older brother more."
Thanks, Mr. Barber.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Things I Hate
You know those things that you just despise, and they consistently happen to you? I can name a million. I've decided to make a list.
1. I hate those websites that automatically play a video as soon as you enter it. The other day, I wanted to discover the rates of rental equipment on a paintball website. as soon as I enter, I am greeted with a video of a sweaty man talking about his family paintball business. Really? Really? NOBODY CARES.
2. I hate when I am carrying a load of stuff, whatever it is, and I drop ONE thing. I lean over to pick it up. Another thing or two falls. This process continues for about 30 seconds. Eventually, I grow impatient and throw the objects on the ground. It looks something like this.
3. I hate laptop chargers than constantly fall out. As I write this, I struggle to not smash this laptop on the ground, similarly to the picture above. I wish I was joking.
4. I hate when I get a present and the plastic around it is ridiculously difficult to cut open. This frustrates me to the absolute maximum. If you don't want somebody to steal it, put it in those cage things. This way, when somebody decides to buy the product, they can actually use the product they have purchased. Otherwise, the customer attempts to shoot Ipads with real bullets just to open them. This is the final product.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Vegetarians 101
"No, I can't have meat. I'm a vegetarian." she says.
This is a way of life I will never understand. Animals were put here to be killed, placed in an oven, and maliciously shoved into our mouths to satisfy hunger. Meanwhile, we have vegetarians and vegans who believe this wrong.
"Why are you a vegetarian?" I ask her.
"I believe that killing animals is wrong. They wouldn't kill us if they could think! I am not strong enough to know that I am eating an animal when I have a burger."
"You know, you would be strong if you had protein. You know where protein comes from, right? What is a large, natural source of protein?"
"Shut up..." she says with a chuckle.
The waitress appears through the crowded restaurant.
"Alright, what can I get you guys. Our special tonight is the veggie burger. It is only 3 dollars."
"Why is your special a veggie burger? Why not like a soup or something? Everybody wants meat, right?"
Everybody in the restaurant goes silent immediately. On the other side of the restaurant I hear a glass fall. Every eye in the place is fixated on me.
"It's national Vegetarian Day..." the waitress says quietly. "The special is the only item we've sold today.
"I'll have the special." she says.
"Not going to happen. I will have the All-American Steak with extra bacon. I mean literally. Throw on all the bacon you have, I don't mind the price. Also, We will have the mini burgers with bacon on the side as our appetizer. Thanks very much." I say.
I sure showed those vegetarian turd faces.
I ate all the meat. I left a tip of some table salt and a nickel.
#fightthevegetarians
#leadtheway
#meatrules
#eataburgertoday
#revolution
#teammike
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Saturday, November 23, 2013
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Story Number 8: Cufflinks
"Dude, I'm telling you those are cufflinks, alright?" I say, getting annoyed. I am talking with a fellow student. We are both wearing suits. I am talking to him about the cufflinks on our jackets. He doesn't believe me when I tell him that their proper title is 'cufflinks'.
"They're called buttons! I'm right" he strikes back. I swear, I want to slap some sense in this kid. To this day, if I saw that guy anywhere, I'd steal his soda and drink it. I would then proceed to steal his phone and take selfies on Snapchat and send them to everybody in his contacts.
"I swear man, I want to slap some sense into you. I guarantee you that in 20 years, if I saw you anywhere, I would steal your soda and drink it. I would then proceed to steal your phone and take selfies on Snapchat and send it to all your contacts!" I begin to raise my voice.
He gasps so loudly. Everybody goes silent. "You wouldn't!" he retorts. "I will hunt you down and slappy pappy you so hard in your face that you won't be able to smile for a week!" I yell back. "What?" he asks, not being able to understand my slang. "I will knock you right in the kisser and leave you hangin' with a lollipop in your mouth!" I yell, increasing the slang factor. "Wh- What?" he asks again. "Say what again! I dare you- I DOUBLE dare you!" I yell back.
This is escalating very quickly. Class hasn't even begun yet. Suddenly, the bell rings. The teacher, Mr. Teacher bursts in. "Afternoon, class. Today we will learn about shapes!" he says, pulling a green wooden triangle out of his bag and smiling. "Mike thinks these are cufflinks! " the kid yells out in the quiet room, pointing to the alleged cufflinks.
The expression on Mr. Teacher's face slowly disappears as his eyes grow larger and larger. Suddenly, I am looking at the crazy eyes. He begins to shake his head. "Come after school later and clean my classroom. I want every piece of paper off the ground."
My thoughts
1. Get a vacuum.
2. They are cufflinks. I know it. You know it. You just wanted a clean room. Once again, vacuum.
3. That's it.
"They're called buttons! I'm right" he strikes back. I swear, I want to slap some sense in this kid. To this day, if I saw that guy anywhere, I'd steal his soda and drink it. I would then proceed to steal his phone and take selfies on Snapchat and send them to everybody in his contacts.
"I swear man, I want to slap some sense into you. I guarantee you that in 20 years, if I saw you anywhere, I would steal your soda and drink it. I would then proceed to steal your phone and take selfies on Snapchat and send it to all your contacts!" I begin to raise my voice.
He gasps so loudly. Everybody goes silent. "You wouldn't!" he retorts. "I will hunt you down and slappy pappy you so hard in your face that you won't be able to smile for a week!" I yell back. "What?" he asks, not being able to understand my slang. "I will knock you right in the kisser and leave you hangin' with a lollipop in your mouth!" I yell, increasing the slang factor. "Wh- What?" he asks again. "Say what again! I dare you- I DOUBLE dare you!" I yell back.
This is escalating very quickly. Class hasn't even begun yet. Suddenly, the bell rings. The teacher, Mr. Teacher bursts in. "Afternoon, class. Today we will learn about shapes!" he says, pulling a green wooden triangle out of his bag and smiling. "Mike thinks these are cufflinks! " the kid yells out in the quiet room, pointing to the alleged cufflinks.
The expression on Mr. Teacher's face slowly disappears as his eyes grow larger and larger. Suddenly, I am looking at the crazy eyes. He begins to shake his head. "Come after school later and clean my classroom. I want every piece of paper off the ground."
My thoughts
1. Get a vacuum.
2. They are cufflinks. I know it. You know it. You just wanted a clean room. Once again, vacuum.
3. That's it.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
The Accident
I have always wanted to go laser tagging. When this story take place, it was before I've ever gone. I was a whole lot younger. I was in this club and we all signed up to go laser tagging one Wednesday night. I signed up on a Friday night for the event the following Wednesday. On the next day, it was a Saturday. It was my cousin's first birthday.
We were in a hilly region. I decided that I could ride my unicycle down one of the hills. Of course, I did. I am awesome at that stuff. I can juggle four balls. Anyway, my brother wanted to try. While he was doing that, I decided to try riding down on my rip stick, which is basically a two-wheeled skateboard. '
I have very good balance, as I'm sure you have pieced together by now. However, on the way down, I realized I was gaining an enormous amount of speed. Seriously, I was booking it. I quickly realize that I cannot break. If I continue riding straight, I choose a main road with traffic(death). I can make a left, but I see a pothole. If I go there, I choose being flung 20 feet(death). My other option is jumping it(also maybe death). I go for the jump. That's all I remember until...
"Ouch..." I mumble as I am stabbed with an I-V needle. I am in the emergency room. They are moving me from one test to another. I have a cone on my neck in case one of my tests came back positive. As they roll me, I look into the mirrors on the corner ceiling of each hallway.
Yikes... That'll leave a mark... My right side of my face is the size of a watermelon, bruised, swollen, and bloody. My tests eventually all come back as best as they could for my accident. The only problems was a solid amount of blood loss and a concussion.
As normal procedure, the nurses ask me questions about the year, date, et cetera, because of my head injury. "What date is it, Michael?" a nurse asks with a pen and clipboard. "July 4th, 1776." I say. "Freedom....." I add, barely audible.
The nurse looks at my mother. "Nah, I'm just messing. It's October 15th." I say. My mom looks relieved. "Good. Anyway, you cannot go to school this week. You have to stay home and play video games. I don't want you doing any sort of mental thinking other than killing zombies, or whatever you kids do these days." she says. "Is shooting other people with lasers in real life sufficient?" I ask, still hoping for laser tag. The nurse simply chuckles and leaves.
Damn.
EPILOGUE
2 years later, I went laser tagging. I accidently hit a small child in the face with my gun. K/O?
We were in a hilly region. I decided that I could ride my unicycle down one of the hills. Of course, I did. I am awesome at that stuff. I can juggle four balls. Anyway, my brother wanted to try. While he was doing that, I decided to try riding down on my rip stick, which is basically a two-wheeled skateboard. '
I have very good balance, as I'm sure you have pieced together by now. However, on the way down, I realized I was gaining an enormous amount of speed. Seriously, I was booking it. I quickly realize that I cannot break. If I continue riding straight, I choose a main road with traffic(death). I can make a left, but I see a pothole. If I go there, I choose being flung 20 feet(death). My other option is jumping it(also maybe death). I go for the jump. That's all I remember until...
"Ouch..." I mumble as I am stabbed with an I-V needle. I am in the emergency room. They are moving me from one test to another. I have a cone on my neck in case one of my tests came back positive. As they roll me, I look into the mirrors on the corner ceiling of each hallway.
Yikes... That'll leave a mark... My right side of my face is the size of a watermelon, bruised, swollen, and bloody. My tests eventually all come back as best as they could for my accident. The only problems was a solid amount of blood loss and a concussion.
As normal procedure, the nurses ask me questions about the year, date, et cetera, because of my head injury. "What date is it, Michael?" a nurse asks with a pen and clipboard. "July 4th, 1776." I say. "Freedom....." I add, barely audible.
The nurse looks at my mother. "Nah, I'm just messing. It's October 15th." I say. My mom looks relieved. "Good. Anyway, you cannot go to school this week. You have to stay home and play video games. I don't want you doing any sort of mental thinking other than killing zombies, or whatever you kids do these days." she says. "Is shooting other people with lasers in real life sufficient?" I ask, still hoping for laser tag. The nurse simply chuckles and leaves.
Damn.
EPILOGUE
2 years later, I went laser tagging. I accidently hit a small child in the face with my gun. K/O?
Thursday, October 17, 2013
I'm Back And----- GINGER??101
Hello, children. I thoroughly miss all of you. I deleted all the accounts for Mike Thoughts For You. They took too much time to update, follow strangers in the hopes of them checking the site out, et cetera. Sadly, this means that the blog will be receiving A FRACTION of the viewers it used to. Oh well, I like you guys better :). #teammike
It's been extremely difficult to think of the more embarrassing stories. Many of them are disturbing and ridiculous. I did, however, manage to retrieve a broken memory.
STORY NUMBER 5
20 years ago. Everything is black and white. Everything looks like an old movie. It was a rainy day back in elementary school. I went to a small, private school. I was helping out a few teachers with their rowdy children at lunchtime with a few acquaintances of mine. A school play had been a few weeks away. It was a representation of the story of Jesus' life. I, being 150% ginger, knew I didn't possess the physical characteristics to portray Jesus. The student who was representing Jesus had dropped out. I do not recall why.
Not thinking, I decide to tell a kid I knew about the open spot, for I knew that he was very interested in the position. His name was Austin Stevenson the Third. As I walked to him, one of the nuns catches me. "Hello, Michael. I'm sure you heard about the position of Jesus. I was just curious if you'd be interested in the part." she asks. Oh, yes. This is it. "I accept the position, I desire to take part in your representation of the Passion. Many thanks to you." I say, calmly, holding in my excitement.
As I turn to stroll back to the children, I hear the kid who wanted to play Jesus grunt. "What's wrong, I ask. "You're going to be Ginger Jesus! You look nothing like him!" he grumbles. He happens to be correct. For those of you who live under a rock, a Ginger is a miserable creature with red hair and freckles, a disgrace to the human race. It just so happens that you are reading the blog of a total Ginger at this moment. Yes, we are terrible. Thankfully, we should be extinct soon enough.
"Well, I apologize Austin Stevenson the Third. I thought you'd be psyched..." I say, droning off. "You'll do great. Sorry, Mike." he replies.
Two weeks later, I went on that stage and washed the feet of creepy sixth graders. One even licked his lips. I didn't dry his feet as revenge. I ended up messing up around four times because I had only two weeks to learn and star in a play, but I kept it under wraps, nobody even noticed.
Yes, everything ended well. As I take off my robe and get changed, a few of my fellow student walk by. "HEY GINGER JESUS!" they yell. This is going to be a long year. However, I pushed through. Now, I study at Harvard Law and work at Hewitt Books. I even own an entertaining company called Prestige Worldwide. I am America, and so can you.
STAY CLASSY SAN DIEGO(Though I live in Boston for school)
It's been extremely difficult to think of the more embarrassing stories. Many of them are disturbing and ridiculous. I did, however, manage to retrieve a broken memory.
STORY NUMBER 5
20 years ago. Everything is black and white. Everything looks like an old movie. It was a rainy day back in elementary school. I went to a small, private school. I was helping out a few teachers with their rowdy children at lunchtime with a few acquaintances of mine. A school play had been a few weeks away. It was a representation of the story of Jesus' life. I, being 150% ginger, knew I didn't possess the physical characteristics to portray Jesus. The student who was representing Jesus had dropped out. I do not recall why.
Not thinking, I decide to tell a kid I knew about the open spot, for I knew that he was very interested in the position. His name was Austin Stevenson the Third. As I walked to him, one of the nuns catches me. "Hello, Michael. I'm sure you heard about the position of Jesus. I was just curious if you'd be interested in the part." she asks. Oh, yes. This is it. "I accept the position, I desire to take part in your representation of the Passion. Many thanks to you." I say, calmly, holding in my excitement.
As I turn to stroll back to the children, I hear the kid who wanted to play Jesus grunt. "What's wrong, I ask. "You're going to be Ginger Jesus! You look nothing like him!" he grumbles. He happens to be correct. For those of you who live under a rock, a Ginger is a miserable creature with red hair and freckles, a disgrace to the human race. It just so happens that you are reading the blog of a total Ginger at this moment. Yes, we are terrible. Thankfully, we should be extinct soon enough.
"Well, I apologize Austin Stevenson the Third. I thought you'd be psyched..." I say, droning off. "You'll do great. Sorry, Mike." he replies.
Two weeks later, I went on that stage and washed the feet of creepy sixth graders. One even licked his lips. I didn't dry his feet as revenge. I ended up messing up around four times because I had only two weeks to learn and star in a play, but I kept it under wraps, nobody even noticed.
Yes, everything ended well. As I take off my robe and get changed, a few of my fellow student walk by. "HEY GINGER JESUS!" they yell. This is going to be a long year. However, I pushed through. Now, I study at Harvard Law and work at Hewitt Books. I even own an entertaining company called Prestige Worldwide. I am America, and so can you.
STAY CLASSY SAN DIEGO(Though I live in Boston for school)
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
More embarrassing stories: PRETTY MUCH DEAD ALREADY
Hello blog readers. I haven't posted in a few months. I need to start writing more often. I had a realization a few days ago.... life has been becoming more and more awkward and embarrassing, which just so happens to mean that you've hit a gold mine.
STORY NUMBER 3
It was a day of mixed weather. First, rainy. Then, cloudy. I had just joined a hiking club. I was looking forward to chowing down on a power bar and climbing a mountain. It started out as a pretty standard road trip. Waking up early, trying to avoid falling asleep on your seat-mate, and telling the rowdy kids to shut up before you smash their face on the bumper of the bus until the airbag deploys. However, I had no idea what I was in for.
I check my pockets for my belongings. Whoops, lost my wallet. We get to the mountain and begin walking. Walking? I thought we were driving...? No. We are walking. 15 long miles not including elevation. Yikes.
On the way up, I trip while trying to catch up to my partner in front of me. My foot catches on to a loose tree root. Downsy-wownsy. Then, as quick as humanly possible, UPSY- DAISY TO THE MAX. I hop up to my feet to avoid being seen. Sadly, everybody saw it. I whip out a Gatorade and gulp down a few ounces. "Oh, guys! Word to the wise- take little sips at a time to avoid cramps!" yells the leader. "sips, shmips" I mumble. I finish the bottle, proving my manliness.
A few pain filled hours later, we reach the summit. I immediately fall to my knees and vomit off the cliff. A few kids ask if I am alright. I have no answer, so I wink at them slyly, scaring away a few freshman. To my embarrassment, a few kids had been behind us. My vomit missed them by a few feet, thankfully.
On the way down, Mike trips yet again, this time, almost taking a kid with me. Another kid falls behind me and brings me down with him.
Bruised and bloody, we finally reach the bus. "There is traffic on the highway. It'll be around nine hours. We'll hop of at a Wendy's halfway. Hope you have money."
Thoughts...
1. Always have money
2. Don't be a hero
3. don't wink
4. don't vomit on squirrels. (FORGOT TO MENTION)
5. BUY ME A CHOCOLATE FROSTY
Friday, June 14, 2013
More Funny Stories 101
Dearest Mike Thoughts For You Fans,
I indeed hope you are all having a fabulous week! I know my week has been pretty epic. Anyway, I've been getting into my blog a whole lot lately because I decided that it is actually fun and easy to write during the evening and extremely early morning. Perhaps, it is a good thing because my views are already getting much higher.
Please tell your friends about this blog. It may seem pointless. However, if everybody tells three people, those three people may tell others. Soon later, I could be getting paid in candy by Google. Pay it forward and tell people about this blog. It may seem like an easy thing. However, the only reason I write this is for you guys. I am writing my own stories. This is just a side job for fun. I will be more inspired to post even more often if I have more viewers! Shout me out on Instagram, Twitter, really anything to get the word out.
I can't keep talking business, we have to get to the stories and embarrassing moments soon or I am going to go crazy. So, without any further ado, STORY NUMBER 3.
Story Number 3
It was a rainy, summer day. I had just received an IPod for my birthday. My family and I were somewhere on vacation. I don't, however, recall our location where this incident occurred. We were on vacation with a few of our cousins.
Once we found the hotel, I put my IPod, wallet(filled with cash to spend on the vacation), and a few of my other valuables. As we entered the building, we were greeted by my uncle. My uncle had informed us that his children, who were my cousins, had gone to the indoor pool on that floor in the hotel. My family had decided to go to the pool before traveling up the elevator and into our hotel room.
As soon as we reached the pool, we finally saw our cousins playing volleyball in the deep end. I was greeting them when a volleyball flew onto the water below me. I am standing outside the pool because I have my clothes on. My cousins cannot swim very well other than treading to stay afloat. They were struggling to get the ball back. I decided it'd be a good idea to bend down and toss is back to them.
Before I know it, I trip into the pool because the floor around it was slippery and wet. I begin to laugh. A few seconds later, I look and my clothes in horror, realizing that not only my clothes and myself are on my person. I sprint up to my hotel room and grab the hair dryer and proceed to attempt to dry my IPod and money. No, it couldn't be fixed.
Even though this was a horrible experience, I got a new IPod out of it. So I got that going for me.
Thoughts on story number 3
1. Never go near a pool with your clothes on.
2. Never try to help anybody.
3. Always check your pockets before you come within ten feet of a pool. Believe me, this has saved my new IPod more times than I care to share.
4. Tell people about this blog
Thanks so much to all of you readers out there. You are indeed the greatest fans of all time. Take care and have a great weekend. Hopefully, I shall indeed post again sometime within the next 24 hours. Good luck in all of your quests.
I indeed hope you are all having a fabulous week! I know my week has been pretty epic. Anyway, I've been getting into my blog a whole lot lately because I decided that it is actually fun and easy to write during the evening and extremely early morning. Perhaps, it is a good thing because my views are already getting much higher.
Please tell your friends about this blog. It may seem pointless. However, if everybody tells three people, those three people may tell others. Soon later, I could be getting paid in candy by Google. Pay it forward and tell people about this blog. It may seem like an easy thing. However, the only reason I write this is for you guys. I am writing my own stories. This is just a side job for fun. I will be more inspired to post even more often if I have more viewers! Shout me out on Instagram, Twitter, really anything to get the word out.
I can't keep talking business, we have to get to the stories and embarrassing moments soon or I am going to go crazy. So, without any further ado, STORY NUMBER 3.
Story Number 3
It was a rainy, summer day. I had just received an IPod for my birthday. My family and I were somewhere on vacation. I don't, however, recall our location where this incident occurred. We were on vacation with a few of our cousins.
Once we found the hotel, I put my IPod, wallet(filled with cash to spend on the vacation), and a few of my other valuables. As we entered the building, we were greeted by my uncle. My uncle had informed us that his children, who were my cousins, had gone to the indoor pool on that floor in the hotel. My family had decided to go to the pool before traveling up the elevator and into our hotel room.
As soon as we reached the pool, we finally saw our cousins playing volleyball in the deep end. I was greeting them when a volleyball flew onto the water below me. I am standing outside the pool because I have my clothes on. My cousins cannot swim very well other than treading to stay afloat. They were struggling to get the ball back. I decided it'd be a good idea to bend down and toss is back to them.
Before I know it, I trip into the pool because the floor around it was slippery and wet. I begin to laugh. A few seconds later, I look and my clothes in horror, realizing that not only my clothes and myself are on my person. I sprint up to my hotel room and grab the hair dryer and proceed to attempt to dry my IPod and money. No, it couldn't be fixed.
Even though this was a horrible experience, I got a new IPod out of it. So I got that going for me.
Thoughts on story number 3
1. Never go near a pool with your clothes on.
2. Never try to help anybody.
3. Always check your pockets before you come within ten feet of a pool. Believe me, this has saved my new IPod more times than I care to share.
4. Tell people about this blog
Thanks so much to all of you readers out there. You are indeed the greatest fans of all time. Take care and have a great weekend. Hopefully, I shall indeed post again sometime within the next 24 hours. Good luck in all of your quests.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Yes, It will be this fast from now on 101
Hello followers! I had been trying to come up with another story to tell, when suddenly, I had a vision. The vision was of me trying to come up with another story. Then, inside that vision, I had a vision that I had yet another vision. After traveling a few layers into a fake world that only involved me traveling into other hypothetical worlds with the same backstory, I realized that I knew what story to write about.
STORY NUMBER 2
It was a gorgeous, sunny spring day in mid-June. I was so excited to go to a friend's house because we had a half-day in school. Now, I love many sports. However, football is not included in those sports I love. It's pretty much a bunch of dudes with tight pants wrestling. Yes, I said it. Anyway, we were playing football in his huge front yard. After much frustration and wanting to leave, I was given an awesome pass and made a touchdown. It was the highlight of my day. What happened immediately afterwards, however was not.
As soon as I made the touchdown, I did an absolutely amazing victory dance. Then, I decided it'd be a good idea to chuck the ball as hard as humanly possible into the ground. It came right back up and hit me in the chest. I tried to pretend it was nothing; that didn't work to well.
About an hour later, I was still clenching my stomach as we played football. They decided they were getting tired and sweaty. So, we took a pool break. Once I took off my shirt, I looked down to see the biggest bruise I have ever seen.
Thoughts on story number 2
1. Don't play football
2. If you play football, don't throw the ball at the ground
3. Don't try to be cool
4. Make good decisions
5. Tell your friends about this blog and read my other posts!
Love you guys! You guys are the greatest readers ever! Please tell your friends about this blog!
STORY NUMBER 2
It was a gorgeous, sunny spring day in mid-June. I was so excited to go to a friend's house because we had a half-day in school. Now, I love many sports. However, football is not included in those sports I love. It's pretty much a bunch of dudes with tight pants wrestling. Yes, I said it. Anyway, we were playing football in his huge front yard. After much frustration and wanting to leave, I was given an awesome pass and made a touchdown. It was the highlight of my day. What happened immediately afterwards, however was not.
As soon as I made the touchdown, I did an absolutely amazing victory dance. Then, I decided it'd be a good idea to chuck the ball as hard as humanly possible into the ground. It came right back up and hit me in the chest. I tried to pretend it was nothing; that didn't work to well.
About an hour later, I was still clenching my stomach as we played football. They decided they were getting tired and sweaty. So, we took a pool break. Once I took off my shirt, I looked down to see the biggest bruise I have ever seen.
Thoughts on story number 2
1. Don't play football
2. If you play football, don't throw the ball at the ground
3. Don't try to be cool
4. Make good decisions
5. Tell your friends about this blog and read my other posts!
Love you guys! You guys are the greatest readers ever! Please tell your friends about this blog!
Apology and Stories 101
Dearest Mike Thoughts For You Fans,
I sincerely apologize. I haven't written for you in a few months. Now I have the entire summer to be busy and write for you, after work of course. Hopefully my views will skyrocket this summer and I can finally start getting paid some money. I mean, obviously getting paid in candy would be better. Nevertheless it'd sound odd if Google started sending me candy through the mail. however, if that happens to be the case, Twix, M&Ms, and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups would suffice. Thanks Google!
I do not have many jokes or anything like that to give you. However, you have to do what you can with what you are given. Today, I have some funny stories for you and my thoughts on them.
Story number 1
It was a hot, August day. It was sunny, yet also raining. We had just had Taco bell so I was strolling around with my friends wondering what to make of the day. A little old woman, whose name will remain anonymous, asked me and a few friends to help her out with carrying books. As she bent down to show us which ones to carry where, it happened. She ripped one louder than the 18 wheeler trucks passing by. We all looked at each other, wondering who it was. We had just had Taco Bell so we thought it was one of us. After a second of confusion, we realized it was the old woman. It smelled worse than the corpse of the rotisserie chicken being demolished by a stray dog on the way to the old woman. Yes, it did smell that bad. She didn't even excuse herself; she pretended nothing had happened.
Thoughts on story Number 1
1. Excuse yourself
2. Don't fart
3. Adult Diapers
4. I didn't see you at Taco Bell; what'd you order- beans?
5. Don't ask for help if you're going to cut the cheese!
6. At least try to make it silenced.
7. If it was silenced, we wouldn't have known who it was.
Thanks so much if you have read this far guys! I will definitely post within the next week because I actually have the time now. Love you guys!
I sincerely apologize. I haven't written for you in a few months. Now I have the entire summer to be busy and write for you, after work of course. Hopefully my views will skyrocket this summer and I can finally start getting paid some money. I mean, obviously getting paid in candy would be better. Nevertheless it'd sound odd if Google started sending me candy through the mail. however, if that happens to be the case, Twix, M&Ms, and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups would suffice. Thanks Google!
I do not have many jokes or anything like that to give you. However, you have to do what you can with what you are given. Today, I have some funny stories for you and my thoughts on them.
Story number 1
It was a hot, August day. It was sunny, yet also raining. We had just had Taco bell so I was strolling around with my friends wondering what to make of the day. A little old woman, whose name will remain anonymous, asked me and a few friends to help her out with carrying books. As she bent down to show us which ones to carry where, it happened. She ripped one louder than the 18 wheeler trucks passing by. We all looked at each other, wondering who it was. We had just had Taco Bell so we thought it was one of us. After a second of confusion, we realized it was the old woman. It smelled worse than the corpse of the rotisserie chicken being demolished by a stray dog on the way to the old woman. Yes, it did smell that bad. She didn't even excuse herself; she pretended nothing had happened.
Thoughts on story Number 1
1. Excuse yourself
2. Don't fart
3. Adult Diapers
4. I didn't see you at Taco Bell; what'd you order- beans?
5. Don't ask for help if you're going to cut the cheese!
6. At least try to make it silenced.
7. If it was silenced, we wouldn't have known who it was.
Thanks so much if you have read this far guys! I will definitely post within the next week because I actually have the time now. Love you guys!
Monday, February 25, 2013
Dumb Laws 101
Hello readers! How is your day going? Just to be safe I'll react both ways- Great! So is mine!-- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Anyway, I sincerely apologize for having not posted anything in about 5 months. I've been extremely busy. In fact, I still am. I normally wouldn't be writing right now. However, I had a realization of the truth. IF i created this blog, I have to keep my followers interested. Without any further ado, here are some jokes I heard.
DUMB LAWS
FLORIDA
1. It's illegal to sell your children.
2. You may not release stinky gases from your lower back region, or, in other words-FART, after 6 P.M. in a public place.
3. I looked this one up. It sounds quite ridiculous. "You cannot shower naked". I'm pretty sure they mean in a public shower- a gym locker room, for instance. However, it's still funny.
WISCONSIN
1. Whenever two trains are about to intersect and collide with each other, neither shall proceed until the other one has.--- Think about that logic for a second. Also, this is a real, official law.
2. You need an official license to make your own cheese.
3. This law is now removed, but one time existed.--- At one time, "margarine", a butter like food product, was illegal.
ARIZONA (AGAIN, BUT WITH NEW LAWS)
1. Donkeys and camels are prohibited from sleeping in bathtubs.
2. If you are being attacked, you may only defend yourself with the same type of weapon the criminal is using.--- When i first heard this, I was wondering what would happen if the criminal used like a pixy stick or something. You know what I mean? If they looked ripped and like a sumo wrestler or something, I'd be scared of them, not the pixy stick. But if i cannot obtain muscles as big as them in that specific moment, I'd go with the pixy stick I guess.
Well, thanks for reading guys. I sincerely apologize that this specific post is extremely close. I will definitely post something soon to make up for this one. Stay posted for the new one.
STAY CLASSY SAN DIEGO
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